Reasons For Writing This Memoir

Early 2024, I met with an intuitive life coach to process past traumas and find direction with the next chapter of my life.  For the past 10 years, I went to counseling and peer support programs to deal with behavioral health issues. I believe that my story can help others find relief and know that they are not alone. In this memoir, I'll talk about:  

• leaving the Mormon faith
• divorcing at 18 years old
• dealing with addiction and mental health issues
• having challenges with infertility 
• attending graduate school for a master's in counseling 
• building a rewarding support system in sobriety
• maintaining a sober marriage
• building a behavioral health agency 
• and specializing in older adult behavior support and couples counseling

Teachings and beliefs systems that negatively impacted my sense of safety:

• Mormons/LDS believe that when you are married in the temple you are married for eternity with your spouse.  I internalized that I will be alone in the afterlife if I do not follow these teachings.
• In Sunday school at church, we were shown a girl in a wedding dress in front of the temple to marry her husband for all time and eternity.   I was not taught about healthy relationships; instead, I wrote traits that I want in my husband, who I will marry in the temple. 
• My family and church taught me that my purpose in life was to stay pure and dress modestly to find a righteous man to obey and replenish the earth with children. This was my only purpose in life.  
• If I had a question about the teachings, there is something wrong with me, I don't have enough faith, I need to pray harder. 
• Father is the patriarch of the family, head of the family; do not question men. 
• Youth activities consisted of craft projects and baking to prepare us become homemakers.
• Get a bachelor's degree just in case your husband dies.  

When I did not live up to this ideal woman, I rebelled and turned to drugs and alcohol.  For years, I carried feelings of shame for not living up to those ingrained religious values. When I left the Mormon church, I left a community of support and sense of belonging. The Mormon faith provided conditional love which is all I knew. 

Recovering from addiction and mental health issues with sober support and counseling programs has helped me find my true self. There is hope!

• Question everything
• Trust your intuition
• Find people in your life that you want to be like